Bloodshed
by BeastlyRedemption
Summary: In which Bella doesn't love Edward anymore and she's turning out wrong because she's loving the things that can't ever love her back, because Rosalie is straight and married. Bella isn't either of those things. BellaxRosalie
1. Bloodlust

**So, I'm not dead for those who thought that. I had a severe case of writer's block and I entered the amazing Carmilla fandom. I deleted my other stories because they were shit and honestly this one is not going to be any different. Sorry for those of you who actually liked that story. I just didn't know what else to do with it.**

**Anyway, here's this shit piece. Disclaimer: I don't own the shitfest that was Twilight. I just ship Rosalie and Bella really hard.**

"_Sometimes, it is not the whole of you that dies, but parts and only you attend the funeral." - Della Hicks-Wilson_

The wet air was all too familiar to Bella. It was cold too, and she was trying her hardest to not freak out. Because as she steps out of the car, automatically - as if it were muscle memory - she looks towards _that_ clearing and can almost see vivid red hair.

She's also about to freak out because Edward _won't let her fucking go._

He brought her to the place where his family played baseball for the first time.

They were up for round two today.

"Hello, Bella." Esme approached, smile on her face. Bella smiled back easily, and tried to greet her with a hug. Edward wasn't allowing that.

His arms became snakes and they were curling around her midsection. She was trying not to snap at him because she was tired of being held back.

So she just settled for a "Hello, Esme." And tried her hardest not to elbow Edward's sides _so she could just hurt him once._

Bella catches sight of blonde curls and turns back to Edward before anybody can see that she doesn't love him anymore.

Her spins her around, and smiles and laughs like he's being romantic.

"We'll play a couple of games and then I'll take you home okay?"

She looks him over. He looks nice, as always, golden eyes sparkling and bronze hair wet and dripping. She remembers a time that he used to get her heart racing, when his voice used to send shivers down the edges of her spine.

He leans down next to her ear and whispers, "I love you," his fingers tighten on her jacket and she stiffens. "Always."

He leans back up, grins and kisses her cheek, and runs to meet the rest of his family on the field.

Bella resist the itching in her fingers to rub at the spot his lips touched. But, alas, his mother is standing right beside her, giving her a look that means something but she isn't sure what.

She hopes Rosalie isn't watching.

"You ready to head down?" Esme asks, smile back in place and soothingly rubbing circles onto her back.

"Yeah." Bella sighs, and leans into Esme a bit. "I've missed you. Even if we saw each other a couple of days ago."

"I've missed you too, dear. I'm glad you're feeling better though."

"Yeah, being sick sucks." She doesn't mean to, but her head flips back to the opening and imagines fire in the form of hair.

She starts to shake, breath halting and heartbeats freezing in her bloodstream.

"Bella? Bella are you okay?"

She snaps out of it, looks and sees every vampire staring at her.

She doesn't look at Rosalie. Not once. Because if she does, she might just break down. Heart bleeding out and mouth spilling with hopeless confessions.

Bella's never been good at lying; but that hasn't ever stopped her from trying. "I'm not sure that I did my English homework. . ."

She can feel everybody slowly relaxing.

"Oh. . ."

. . .

Bella could feel the salt on her cheeks, ripping at her hair and stinging her eyes.

La Push beach was somewhere almost forbidden for her, so when she could go - when she could escape - she took every damn chance to try and see the ocean she loved.

It was nice today, sunny. So the Cullens were out hunting.

And Edward decided that Bella needed a babysitter.

"Hey, Bella!"

"Jacob."

"Hey," the dog repeats again, smiling with white teeth and bloodied lips. "What's up?"

"They're out hunting."

"Ah," his smile dips, falling, "And they thought you needed a babysitter."

"Not they," Bella is being short and cold today because she's pissed. Because she's _sick and tired_ of not being able to be her own person. And being treated like she wasn't capable at anything was grating on her long frayed nerves. "Just _him_."

Jacob raises a dark brow. "Another fight with pretty boy?"

"No." She looks away, behind her, where the infamous treaty line was. "I'm just pissed right now. _Edward _is just trying to look out for me." Bella marvels at the difference lately. There was once a time when Edward's name made her smile.

Now she just hated the way it tasted on her tongue, like something metallic and rusted.

It made her want to gag.

"How many times do you have to tell yourself that he's just looking after you? That he just loves you, and that's why he has you on a leash?"

Bella pushes past him, past the treaty line, past memories of when Edward would kiss her goodbye because it was making her sick.

"Until I fall back into love with him."

"You can't-"

"Watch me."

. . .

They're sitting in the old couch, watching some sport and yelling at ridiculous calls the refs were making.

"I swear to God," Jake huffs, "Get some damned glasses you dingus!"

Bella just nods from the couch, legs folding up and eating popcorn. "Glasses." She ends up humming in agreement.

There's a knock on the door, and Bella and Jacob both groan with strong disagreement.

"Bella! Your ride is here!"

. . .

She finds herself sucking in as much salty sea air as her lungs could hold. She kept breathing in until her lungs felt as if they were going to burst, and even then, she still sucked it in.

She turns a corner, around a tree and doesn't stumble over the root that's sticking up, and sees a car. She halts, closes her eyes in disappointment. God she did not want to see his face, or hear his voice.

Funny how quickly velvet can expire.

With a groan, she opens her eyes to see car head light flashing at her impatiently.

She resist the urge to stick her middle finger up.

She faintly sees that car door open, and a person who is definitely _not_ Edward steps out.

"Let's go, Bella! I have things to do!"

She walks closer, passes the treaty line but doesn't go any nearer. "Alice?"

"Jesus Christ- Yes Bella it's me. Who else?"

She opens her mouth to say something because she has quite a few "whos" on the tip of her tongue. But she closes it.

Alice's eyes widen briefly, like she knows who else she could be, and steps to the passenger side and opens up the door.

"Where's . . . Edward?" Bella asks, sitting down and tugs the seatbelt on.

Alice, thankfully, doesn't comment on how long it takes Bella to say Edward's name. She slams the door shut, walks around the front of her car, and enters on her own side. "Still hunting. Everybody is, I got back early. He told me to come get you and bring you to the house."

Fire alights in Bella's blood and freezes somewhere near her chest. She clenches her jaw shut, tight like a vice. "_What if I don't want to go to your house?" _

If Alice is surprised by the fury in her voice she doesn't show it. Instead, she says "Well, then I'd take you home. Duh."

It's scary how fast Bella calms down. "Really? But if-if Edward said-"

"Then Edward can fight me, Bella. He doesn't have the right to keep you locked up."

Bella starts to smile. It falls. "No. Don't get in trouble because of me, just take me to your house."

"Bella."Alice's voice is hard and sharp. "I'm taking you home. Edward needs to learn that he doesn't always get his way.

Bella breathes. Except it doesn't feel like there are red ribbons tied around her, squeezing her lungs, wanting to _take _and _take_ and _take_. It feels free and fresh and like she can finally relax.

She drifts off to an indie radio Alice knew she liked to listen to.

. . .

"Bella?" There's a hand on her shoulder, cold, and the smell of happiness is invading her senses. Bella is being shaken, and she's stumbling through dark dreams trying to wake up. "Bella, we're here."

She turns and opens her eyes.

"Here?"

"At your house," she leans back, fiddles with the radio, "I'm pretty sure Charlie is asleep, judging by the snores. I got you home kind of late. Sorry."

"No, it's cool. Thanks for picking me up and stuff."

"Of course, no problem."

Bella looks at the tree that stands by her window, imagines red flaming hair and shakes.

"Alright. I'm going to go. I'll see you tomorrow? I hope you don't get in too much trouble with Edward."

"Goodnight, Bella."

"Goodnight, Alice."

. . .

Bella wakes before Charlie does, which is a rare occurrence.

But the fact that there was a small pixie-vampire prodding her awake probably had something to do with that.

"Fuck!" Bella jumps, and she's breathing hard because that took her by surprise. "Alice you can't _do that."_

Alice giggles, like it's no problem. "Wow, someone has a mouth." When Bella doesn't say anything and just glares, she continues. "Sorry. I wanted to hang out with you today."

"I spent time with you yesterday."

"No," she corrected, "You spent time with Jacob. And the day before that, you - unwillingly might I add - spent the day with Edward.

"What?" Denial. "I didn't unwillingly-"

"Bella," Alice sighs and sits on the edge of her bed. "I'm not stupid. And even if I were, Jasper sure as hell isn't."

Bella looks down ashamed. "Look Alice. . . look Alice I'm trying-"

"To what?"

"Fall back in love with him. I mean, I used to love him but now I- I loved him before I can do it again."

"I don't know what to say to that astounding stupid reasoning."

"Tell me you don't hate me."

"I don't." Alice says simply. "But Bella-"

"Good. Now take me to your house."

. . .

As soon as she got to the Cullen house, Edward had come and damn near snatched her up.

That was until Emmett intervened.

"Dude. Not today. Rose is working on the Jeep and I need a gaming buddy," Emmett pulls on Bella gently. "And Bella doesn't have to be attached to your hip, you know?"

"Excuse me? She's my girlfriend!" Edward tugs, too, but none too gently.

She hisses in pain.

"Alright!" Carlisle separates the two fighting "boys." "Neither of you can hang out with Bella today. Besides, who said she wants to hang out with either of you?" Nobody says anything, but Edward huffs and stomps upstairs.

Faintly, she can hear a door slamming.

"Sorry," Bella says, even though she's getting so tired of apologizing for things that aren't her fault. "I didn't mean to start a fight."

"Bella, you didn't." Carlisle smiles, "are you hurt?"

"Nah," she smiles a little. "I think I might go hang out with Alice for today."

He lets her go with a small smile. "Of course. If you need anything just come find me, or Esme."

"Alright doc."

"Hey, Bells?" Emmett sighs.

"Yeah?"

"Sorry I acted like a little kid. I hardly get to see you with Adonis up there keeping you to himself."

Bella smiles to herself a little, and makes no effort to correct him. "I'll play Halo with you soon, don't worry buddy."

. . .

She's standing outside of Alice's door, but she hasn't knocked.

She hasn't knocked because she can hear two voices in the room, and one of them is not Jasper.

_I thought Rosalie was working on the Jeep!_

Bella briefly considers turning away and heading towards Edward's room. Because that would be the safe thing.

But she doesn't want to see him.

So she sucks in a breath and knocks, timidly and slowly. As if she's forgotten how to.

"Uh. Alice? May I come in?"

The door opens immediately. A curious Alice is looking up at her.

"Yeah of course Bella. You don't even have to knock." And with that, she's pulled into the room and the door slams shut behind her.

"Well, I didn't want to interrupt whatever you and . . . Rosalie were doing."

Alice stills when Bella can't say Rosalie's name correctly.

"Oh we were just talking," (Bella has an idea about what) "We were waiting for you to come in so we could start this girls-only-sleepover."

Bella wonders if it's too late to sprint to the door. "Alice I can't sleep over! I have school and-!"

"Bella tomorrow is Teacher's Development day." It isn't Alice who speaks, instead it's Rosalie with her soft voice like melted caramel and eyes like molten gold and-

"Yeah you silly goose." Alice laughs playfully and punches her arm in a way that'll leave a bruise. Bella is thankful for that hit, she was probably staring at Rosalie for longer than considered appropriate.

Bella knew she was staring at Rosalie like she was a lone sailor who had just found her asylum harbour.

Bella cast her gaze to the floor and presses her palm hard against her eyebrow. _Oh my god I'm so so so so so gay_.

"Oh yeah. Ha, I've been a tad forgetful lately."

"Well," Alice says flippantly, "you're only human."

Rosalie stiffens a little, clenches her jaw (Michelangelo carved that jaw himself) and turns to glance at Bella underneath her eyelashes.

Bella laughs along, but she doesn't take another breath because they sound like dying dreams.


	2. Bloodstream

**Sorry for those of you who had my unedited version of the first chapter. I wasn't aware certain symbols didn't work. Anyway, here is chapter two. **

**Trigger warning**

**Bella finally can relate to Shakespeare's Sonnet 147**

**. . . **

"_When is a monster not a monster? Oh, when you love it." - Caitlyn Stiehl_

_Don't look. Don't look. Don't look, don't look, don't look, don't look-_

"Bella? Are you okay? You've been staring at your hands for fifteen minutes."

"Huh?" Bella heard Edward perfectly fine, she just needed time to formulate a response. A lie. One that didn't sound like she was trying not to stare at his blonde sister. "Oh, yeah, I'm fine. Just tired, you know?" She's been getting better at this lying stuff.

He kisses her head. _Yeah, definitely better at lying_. "Well, I promise not to keep you up so late anymore." Edward promises, lips smiling into her hair.

Bella takes the opportunity to glance up.

Rosalie is folded in Emmett's large arms. The sight slices through Bella's chest, leaving her bleeding, breathless.

The stars are dancing behind her eyelids when she closes them again. Anything to not see that. Anything to not see Rosalie loving somebody else that isn't _her_.

For some reason, Bella is reminded of the sleepover where Rosalie had to leave an hour in because Emmett needed her.

Love was poison.

But she was drinking it in as if she were dying.

"Uh," Bella's voice is shakey, hard and cold, but somehow soft. Heartbroken. She can still see Rosalie pressing kisses to the side of Emmett's curls. "Can I at least have one arm? To eat?" She tries tugging at her limbs.

Edward pulls her to him, squeezing tighter. She can imagine her ribcage crying, and she groans. "Fuck, that hurts."

"Oi!" There's an airborne juice box that smacks the side of Edward's tousled hair. "Let her go, kid. She needs to eat." Jasper was the one frowning at him this time. "And breathe."

In her ear she could feel Edward snarling, but he let her go.

Bella looked at Jasper with relief and gratefulness.

He looks back at her with sympathy and a patent sad smile.

. . .

The silence was getting to be unbearable. It was too loud.

"Alice?"

"Yeah?"

"I want to go see Jacob. I need to talk to him."

"You can't talk to me?" There's a hurt in Alice's voice that cuts Bella to her lungs.

Her eyes sting. "Not about this."

. . .

"Why don't you love him anymore?" Jacob isn't trying to be mean, Bella knows this. But she can't help flinching regardless.

"I don't know." Bella sounds dead.

"When?" His eyebrows ache.

She rolls over onto her side. "I want to say when he left me. . ."

"But?" He prods. Honestly, Jacob wasn't excited that Bella didn't love Edward anymore. She was hurting.

"I don't know Jake," sighs, rolls over and flips a hand over her eyes. "I fell in love so quickly - could it have really been love? I mean," she needs to go on, but she can't say anything else.

"Bella, love is weird, odd, and painful. Maybe you were in love with him before he left and took his family with him? The betrayal and hurt you felt - and still feel - could easily block out the feelings you had for him."

It's fifteen breaths before Bella speaks again. "Yeah, but, I'm sure it's something else."

"What could it be, then?"

"I'm _so gay, Jacob._"

It doesn't take him long. He jumps, making her look at him. "Alice? You love Alice?" It's almost an excited yell.

"No. Worse."

This takes him longer. Bella counts every twitch of Jake's eyebrow like she would count the seconds in a minute, in an hour. Then he goes. "No."

"Yeah."

"No."

"Yeah."

"Not Barbie. Not the Barbie married to Ken."

"Jacob," Bella sighs, frustration leaking in. "Nothing will happen, anyway."

Nobody talks for another two commercials and three episodes of Spongebob.

"What are you going to do, Bella?"

She shrugs, not because she doesn't know, but because she can't do anything. "I'm not ripping their family apart, Jake. I've already done enough of that."

He blows out a breath long and hard enough to cover both of their problems.

_If only things worked that way._

"God, I wish this was a movie or something."

"You and I both."

"Can I do anything?" There's a warmth in Jacob's voice that clogs something in Bella's throat.

"When I need a cuddle, you always have to be available. No questions asked."

"Deal."

. . .

" I love you." Edward says, standing in the corner of her room, watching her get underneath her blankets. "Forever and always."

Bella shivers. It doesn't feel like a declaration, instead it feels like a threat, a warning, a foreshadow.

She isn't sure what Edward wants. But she's mad.

The kind of mad when the edges of your teeth ache, like they're on fire. Like you need to bite something to feel better.

Bella's ready to bite throats out.

So when she says, "alright." and Edward's face falls into bewilderment she hides her smile in the wrinkles of her blankets.

_Fuck him. He can shove yellow cake up between the crack of his ass and into his bowels. _

_Yeah, fuck him._

. . .

They're all walking up the stairs into the school. Bella does this without Edward's help since he's giving her the cold shoulder over last night.

It's more than fine with her. Maybe he'll finally get it that she's doesn't love him. No. Not anymore.

Alice spins around them all, like the pixie that she is, _she's been high for days,_ Bella thinks-

"Where's Edward?" It's Emmett who asks.

"Mad at me." Bella tries to sigh, but it ends up sounding like there's a laugh boiling under her skin.

"Why is he mad at you?"

Bella quivers a little. Will she never get used to hearing Rosalie's voice? Good thing she's not facing her.

"Ah. I said somethings he didn't like last night." _Hopefully_

The silence that accompanies her response burns.

She's burning up when she finally turns around. Rosalie and Emmett are making eyes at each other and the coy gaze and the slow turn of her lips are _absolutely annihilating _her.

She's not even sure who armed love with a rusty knife.

"Anyway," she swallows. "I have to go to the bathroom. I'll see you guys in English." She's referring to Emmett and Rosalie. But she can't hurt herself like that. She can't say their names.

She's walking away when Alice calls "Are you okay Bella? You look kind of sick."

Bella's almost sprinting now. "Yeah! Totally!"

She isn't sure what she just agreed to. The statement or the question.

. . .

White linoleum is what meets her face, imprints itself into her vision.

Bathroom have always been gross.

Bella is heaving, long and hard, kneeling over a toilet.

She was fucking sick. There was a poison in her stomach. Love was pooling there, cold and dark, like toxic waste. She shoves her fingers down her throat until nothing but bile comes up, until blood smothered the bowl.

She sits back and looks at the carnage.

She doesn't see love among that mess.

Slumping back, Bella finally gets it.

Only death can rip the love away from her system, away from her seething bloodstreams.

It might just have to do.

. . .

The mirror of the badly lit bathroom reflected something Bella didn't want to see. A monster. A zombie, someone infected. There were yellow bruises under her eyes and her cheeks were blank.

Love is ugly.

_No. No, I still have time. Please. Please. Don't do this to me. I can't love her, she has my heart in a vice and it's turning to mush. I can't love Rosalie._

_I can't._

. . .

"Ms. Swan, you don't look well."

Bella laughs, quick and harsh, like the rattle of bronchitis, some disease eating away inside of her that speckles her breath with red. Her laugh isn't the sound of happiness. It's the sound of death.

"I'm better now. Thanks though, sorry I was late to class."

". . . Yeah. No problem."

The way she moves to her desk in the back corner must scare some people. The way she moves is like a slug, feeling grey. There's a numbness that she can feel in her bones. She hates the way she clings to it.

As soon as she sits down, a paper note lands perfectly on her desk.

"_You okay there, Bells? You look like the dead!"_

She wonders if Emmett thinks he's funny.

Bella turns to Emmett and Rosalie anyway. Tries to ignore how worried Rosalie looks with golden eyebrows furrowed. She nods once, turns back to the front and flings the note in the trash.

She would be better off dead.

. . .

She watches Rosalie's hand creep up to hold Emmett's hand.

She can feel her ribcage breaking.

_I LOVE YOU, _Bella carves into her desk, _I do I do._


	3. Bloodsport

**Hey, sorry it took a long time to update this. I needed to work out a plot - I actually haven't done that anyway. If you guys have any thoughts about what you would like to see in the next chapter and in the story please tell me. It helps with writer's block. Which means I can update this story more consistently and faster. **

**Don't own Twilight. **

. . .

"_We create monsters and then we can't control them." - Joel Coen_

Sometimes, Bella wonders what Rosalie looks on the inside.

She wonders if she were to hack Rosalie open, crawl inside, under her muscles and explore her for centuries, see what makes her tick, what makes her smile, would she be the same color that Bella was? Red and dark, like maybe her chest was a cavern she was trying to fill up.

If Bella were to lick lines up her thighs, biting, Rosalie wouldn't bruise because she's a vampire, but would she moan? Would she whimper?

Would she whisper Bella's name?

Would Rosalie tell Bella that she loved her?

_No_, Bella decides, watching as Rosalie smiles. _She won't_

Bella scratches at her chest anyway.

. . .

"Bella," Edward is holding her hands in her room, taking her attention from Crime and Punishment. "We have to go to Seattle to talk to . . . someone, about some legal information."

"Why?" She asks, but really she doesn't care.

"In case something happens," he look at her like she's suppose to know-

_Oh._

"For me?"

He stands, moody face back on. "For you."

"Alright cool, maybe I can go see Jacob-"

"No!" He spins, whirls on her, "absolutely not! I forbid you."

"_Forbid me? You forbid me? Like you control me?"_ Bella's angry now, fucking mad. How dare he?

"He's dangerous."

"_Like you aren't! You just said you were going to do illegal business in case you fucking bite me! At least Jacob doesn't have a sick blood lust for me!"_ Her voice is so loud that it shakes the window.

Edward, oh poor poor Edward, looks hurt. He looks like a whiny piss baby.

"Oh," his alabaster eyebrows are furrowed. "I see." Then he's gone, and Bella can finally breathe.

_Thank God_.

. . .

Maybe she shouldn't have been so harsh.

. . .

No, he deserved that.

. . .

At some point between fuming and just generally being done with everything, Bella fell asleep.

She's been sleeping a lot these days.

She wakes to Charlie shaking her gently awake.

"Bella," he whispers, and Bella thinks he's the best Dad in the world. Because he's warm and he cares and he loves her, and because he doesn't fucking raise his voice or talk loudly when she's sleepy. "Someone is here for you."

She tries to ask if it's Alice, but it sounds more like "let me sleep."

"The blonde girl is here. Rosalie?"

Suddenly, she isn't so sleepy anymore.

. . .

Rosalie is standing by the fireplace, looking at the photo albums when Bella tentatively walks down stairs.

"Bella, glad to see you're feeling better."

There isn't a response, but Rosalie can feel the question riding in the air. _How strange humans can be._

"From yesterday," Rosalie has to explain further. She steps away from the pictures and angles towards the door.

"W-W-What are you doing here?" Bella asks, looking at the floor because she is not worthy enough to look at Rosalie directly. _Please love me. Please. I'm dying, disintegrating without you. Look at me, I'm red ick. Look what you've done to me._

Bella looks up, scared, because it seems like Rosalie just read her mind. Her lips are pursed, eyebrows furrowed and Bella's heart starts pounding, pounding, pounding-

"Is Edward really that incompetent that he can't explain simple things? Since he and the rest of the family are out today, I'm watching after you."

Bella isn't sure whether or not to be mad. She doesn't need a babysitter, but also she gets to spend the rest of the day with Rosalie.

The thought both thrills her and fills her with grief.

She doesn't have the energy to get mad anymore, because she's _she's so tired, she's so done._ She wants to go lie down on her bed and never get up again.

"Well gee, Bells, don't be too happy." Rosalie jokes, there's panic in her voice, but she goes over to Bella to lightly tap her arm.

It's really a bad idea. It's such a bad idea for Rosalie to touch Bella. Because Rosalie ignites something underneath Bella's skin, something that burns and tingles. Rosalie is so warm and all Bella can feel is her heat seeping into her bones and scorching her alive. Fingers tighten and all Bella wants to do is fall on the floor and cry because goddammit she's _so sick_ for Rosalie. All Bella wants to do is hang onto and never let go, because letting go would mean falling but nobody would ever be there to catch her.

And Rosalie won't ever know that she's dying. She can't.

. . .

Everything between them was choppy waves and harsh winds with salt stinging their lungs and sounds burning their throats. A grey day on a beach. One that promised suffering, death.

Rosalie asked what Bella has wanted to do for the day.

"Um, nothing? What did you want to do?"

The blonde looked a little upset, maybe frustrated. Bella froze.

"Well," Rosalie sighed, shifting away from her. "I needed to work on the car..."

"Let's do it."

To Bella's surprise, Rosalie didn't agree right away. So, Bella stood, waiting and waiting and waiting.

"Alright," Rosalie sighed, her shoulders dropping like there's a weight on her shoulders that even Bella can't comprehend. "Maybe. . . I could teach you a few things about your own truck."

. . .

"Okay, so this is the pushrod…"

They've been in the garage for nearly two hours by now. Nothing had gone to shit and Bella hadn't fucked up.

Actually, Bella's heart wasn't aching at all really. It just longed to touch. But it wasn't aching. It was a nice change of waters.

But Bella knew it had to do with Rosalie being so close to her, so near her.

"Bella? You listening?"

"Huh?" Bella startled, sitting up straight. "Uh. Yeah, yeah totally."

Rosalie looked up minutely and looked Bella over, checking for the lie that presented itself up just as easily as it had spewed out of her sinning mouth. There was a small twitch to Rosalie's lips (not the Bella was paying attention) and she ducked back down to work again.

"Sure, Bella." There was a definite smile in the blonde's voice. "Can you hand me that box knife? There's a faulty wire in here."

Bella hopped up from out of the seat without any other prodding and stepped carefully towards the corner where the knife was resting. It was glinting at her with an intent that seemed malicious. A smirk tugged at the corner of her lips. How many times has she stared at knives in these past few months?

Bella's veins itched. The temptation to bring the smooth surface to her wrist was overwhelming, to feel the sting of blood springing up. It was getting harder to breath.

"Bella?" A voice sounded right next to her ear. Bella jumped, open knife dropping down and slicing her palm open on the descent.

The reaction was instantaneous. Rosalie's eyes blew quickly to black, nostrils flared, and eyes shut close. Her red lips were bared, revealing razor sharp teeth.

Bella's muscles froze, remembering the incident that forced the Cullen's to move away before. But nobody was around to stop Rosalie from attacking her, from killing her.

_Doesn't matter_ Bella thinks. She relaxes against the counter and waits for the end.

It doesn't come.

No, instead, Rosalie stand rigid still, looks to the right and breathes out, in, out, in, and slowly melts.

"Bella," Rosalie's voice is rougher than she's ever heard it before. Ice slides down her back. "Are you okay?"

Bella is stunned. _How?-_

"Yes, I'm okay Rosalie, just a little cut."

Golden eyebrows knit together and a alabaster hand reaches out for Bella's.

Rosalie's touch burns Bella, it leaves marks and it's so incredibly hard to breathe. The pounding in her chest thumps in her ears.

"Bella it's okay I'm not going to hurt you." Rosalie murmurs, squinting at the slice going across Bella's palm. "I need to clean this up, okay? But I can't do that if you're freaking out."

"Yeah," Bella nods, licks her lips and studies the angel in front of her. "How are you doing this?" It almost isn't really a question. It sounds like a demand, it sounds like a plea.

_If you can stand this then why did you leave the first time I fucked up?_

Rosalie isn't breathing and Bella can see the hunger in her eyes. "Well, not tasting blood has something to do with it."

"Then… why?" Bella can hardly say it. The words taste like poison and toxic waste on her tongue.

"He thought it would be best for you." Rosalie sighed, wiping the wound clean and taping it down with gauze.

"What did you think?"

Gold eyes meet brown minutely. "I thought that was bullshit."

. . .

"Do you think Edward will be mad, Rosalie?" Bella wonders, looking at her hand.

"Yes," Rosalie comes around the kitchen, handing Bella a glass of water. "When is he not?"

"Will you be okay?" Bella is far more concerned for Rosalie's safety than anything else. She doesn't know what she would do if Rosalie got hurt on her account.

Rosalie smirks, lips gleaming dangerously. "Yeah. I'll be okay. I'm a big girl, Bella." She swallows, looks away and adds in a quiet voice. "No need to worry."

. . .

He comes in like a storm, a self-proclaimed god wrecking things just because he can. Bella stiffens, heart beating far too fast to be healthy.

Rosalie picks up on the change of Bella's mood. From easy-going and happy to absolutely afraid.

Edward runs up the stairs, slamming into a wall and straight up to Bella's stricken body. "_Bella are you okay? I smell your blood!" _He doesn't get a response out of her.

"Chill," Rosalie sighs, looking at her nails. Trying to hide feeling guilty from Edward. "It's a small cut, I cleaned it and she'll be fine."

"Chill? _Chill?_" Edward screams, tendons standing out. "I made a huge mistake putting her under your watch! You were supposed to make sure that she wouldn't be harmed!"

"So she got a little cut? Whatever, Edward, humans get cuts all the time. It's not her fault, alright? And it sure as hell isn't my fault either. Just because you can't _control _yourself, doesn't mean the rest of us have to punish ourselves for things that happen naturally."

"Have you forgotten that her blood sings to me, Rosalie? Or do you just not care about Bella?" Edward's voice is unforgiving, cold and hard and Bella flinches because _ow_. The idea of Rosalie not caring about her damages her right to the core.

"What's going on here?" Esme appears behind Bella, gently pulling her away from harm's way with a reassuring kiss to her hair. "Children, please stop fighting-"

"_Care? You think I don't care?" _Rosalie explodes, leaping from the edge of the counter to put herself right in front of Edward's face. Bella squirms. She's seen what his teeth could do.

"No," Edward is smirking like he's won the game. Bella can see Rosalie clench her fist. "I know you don't care. Remember when you called to tell me Bella was dead? The tone of nonchalance in your voice?"

His words were bullets and they hit their mark.

Rosalie stumbles back. Glancing at Bella with a broken look. "That- That's not how it went. I- You're lying Edward." Gold eyes are pleading with her but Bella's known for months, years, decades, centuries.

"Can you guys please stop fighting?" Bella's voice is hollow and dead. The rest of the family has joined the show and they all flinch when they hear how tired Bella really is. "Edward, it's not Rosalie's fault. I was being dumb, I should have made sure the knife was closed before I tried to bring it to her."

"Bella-"

"Just take me home." Bella wants to curl up and hide in a dark corner. "I want to see if I can take a nap. Alone." She adds quickly, making sure Edward sees her eyes on him. He nods.

"Of course, my love."

Bella wants to vomit.

Bella turns her back to blonde hair and devastated eyes.

. . .

Bella dreams of breathy moans and pale skin pressed up against her own.

Bella dreams of "_Bella, you're so warm. Oh God." _and desperate hands tied up in her hair, scratching at her scalp.

Bella dreams of loving kisses pressed to her neck and painful bites on the inside of her thigh that makes Bella drag her hands up a stone back and into honey colored curls.

Bella wakes up breathing hard, teeth biting her own lip and tears stinging her eyes.

Her laugh is of one that would concern a doctor.

_Useless. She'll never love you._

_. . ._

**I wonder if I should do a part where it's Rosalie-centric? Like perhaps her thoughts about Bella as of late and how she's been acting? Let me know, I suppose.**


	4. Bloodshot

**Here's that Rosalie chapter I promised. I'm not happy with this one wow. **

**Don't own Twilight. **

**. . .**

"_Forgive me that I ignored the sun and that I lived in sorrow." - Anna Akhmatova_

Rosalie can't count the minutes of how long she's been staring out the window.

Guilt was gnawing it's way into her bones. _How did I fuck that up so bad so quickly?_

"Rose," Jasper sighs, "Don't feel guilty, it's amazing you were able to stop yourself from attacking Bella."

"I shouldn't have assumed that she could handle a knife." She hisses, hands clutching at her head, images of Bella's crimson blood splashing against the floor taunts her and she can't take the foreign pang in her chest. "I let her get hurt."

"We're forgetting that Bella is actually the clumsiest human on the face of the earth." He reminds gently, voice soft and trying desperately to manipulate how she was feeling. He couldn't really stand it when Rosalie was upset.

"Yeah." And she doesn't know what else to say. Maybe she could bring up how she felt when she looked at Bella's heartbroken face. Maybe ask Jasper to tell Bella that Rosalie did really care for her. "I need to talk to Alice. Go hunting with her or whatever."

She hears Jasper hum in agreement.

. . .

Alice's mouth is smothered in red and Rosalie can't help but wonder if that means something still.

"So, what did you want to talk about?" Alice always asks casually, knowing better than to push Rosalie into talking about things she didn't want to. But there is something in how she asked, like perhaps Alice knew something Rosalie didn't. Trying to hide something from her.

But she always knew more than anybody else. It shouldn't bother her but it does.

_What if she knows something about Bella?_

"Is Bella okay?" Rosalie can't help but ask.

"What do you mean?"

"She- her face today. When Edward said I didn't care about Bella. It looked like she was so upset." _Incredibly upset_. Rosalie wants to add something.

"Well-"

"And, God! Are you actually kidding me about Edward? I don't see why she doesn't just break it off with him! He's controlling and manipulative; he doesn't let her go see Jacob. And if she can't go see Jacob then how in the hell is she going to be able to visit the ocean? She can't! Do you think he knows how much she loves the sea? Or do you think he doesn't care enough to notice?"

"Rose-"

"I mean," Rosalie hurries on, pacing and tugging at her bloodied shirt. "He always harps about her safety, and not letting her get hurt! Life is not safe, but does he know that? No! You'd think he would right? Seeing as, you know, he almost fucking died from the flu."

"Rosalie please hold-"

"He's holding her too tight, Alice, she's going to break and there's nothing we can do about it then." It hits Rosalie then. It smacks her in the face harder than any other reality slap has hit her before. Bella could die because of Edward. He could kill her by making her kill herself.

Rosalie remembers Bella staring at the knife.

Rosalie remembers the small smile on Bella's face.

"Rosalie!" Alice yells, bringing the attention towards her. "If you're so worried about how Bella was feeling, why don't you go ask?"

Rosalie is already off running.

. . .

Her breath hits the door, but she hasn't knocked yet.

She can smell Bella's scent from all the way upstairs and she can't help but sniff in more of it.

It's always been her favorite smell.

_Come on, Rose. All you have to do is knock. How scary is an eighteen-year-old girl really?_

Rosalie swallows again, clay fist trying to work it's way down her throat.

She breathes in, and her catches wind of a new smell.

Tears.

_Oh God. Please don't be crying_.

"Bella!" Rosalie knocks hard enough to crack spider webs into the door. "Bella please I need to talk to you!"

Light footsteps are coming down the stairs and stopping in front of the door. But it doesn't open.

"Bella, please, I would like to clear the air."

And it's like waiting for hundreds of years for Bella to open the door. Rosalie holds her breath and it's beginning to feel like she's in the back alley lying in the street, naked, all over again.

"Rosalie," Bella voice is gruff, it hurts Rosalie's chest. The door squeaks open and Bella's face makes Rosalie wish she could sob.

"Hey, Bella." Rosalie sighs, scanning Bella's bloodshot eyes. "I need to talk to you?"

Bella nods. Lets her in.

. . .

Rosalie takes a seat on the edge of Bella's bed. Bella chooses to sit at her desk, facing her.

"So," She starts off, an odd sense of nervousness taking over. "You know that stuff about what Edward said wasn't true right? I do care about you, Bella, as if you were my own sister."

The response - or lack of - that Bella gives Rosalie isn't encouraging. Brown eyes are blank and pink lips are set in a thin line. There's a flinch somewhere in Bella's face.

"Rosalie, you didn't have to come apologize."

"I didn't," Rosalie hops up, starts to protest. "I-"

"Then what did you come here for?" Bella asks, with such irritation that it makes Rosalie smile.

"I came to see how you were doing."

"Fine." It's another short answer and Rosalie wonders what's she done wrong. "Don't you have Emmett to get back to?"

Rosalie cringes. Emmett and her haven't been… _been_ lately. She doesn't know what's wrong with their relationship. The Rome that was their marriage started falling the moment the family was forced to leave Bella, it's been downhill ever since.

She's tried to get it back to where it once was - showing even more affection towards him, cuddling, she even offered to talk about her emotions; which is something she never does, but Rosalie was desperate. It's not fixed, but it's a puzzle for another day. Right now, Rosalie has more important things to deal with.

"You're more important." Wait.

What?

Bella's eyes widen. Rosalie thinks about taking it back,

but she doesn't like lying.

Rosalie's abdominal muscles are stiff, she's leaning off the bed, ready to get up and apologize. Had she freaked Bella out?

Suddenly, so sudden that it makes Rosalie jump, Bella starts a coughing fit.

"Oh. Ow." Bella cringes, holding her throat. "That hurt."

"Are-" Rosalie stops asking her if she's okay, because _stupid ass, obviously not, she just said "ow."_ "Are you sick?"

"No," Bella coughs again, "Just Spring allergies? I think, anyway."

Rosalie nods, but can't help that she thinks humans are so weird. "Did you get enough sleep?"

"Perhaps too much." Bella sighs, looking down at the floor. Immediately, Rosalie feels wrong, uncomfortable and exposed.

"You've been sleeping a lot lately, Bella." Rosalie doesn't mean for her word to sound as intrusive as they do. Bella's eyes furrow and so does Rosalie's stomach.

"It feels nice."

Rosalie glances, without meaning to, at Bella's wrist, covered with her long sleeve shirt.

Bella is slipping, fading away and Rosalie doesn't know if she can help.


	5. Blood Drool

**So, this is chapter is kind of starting to set things up. Sorry for taking forever to write this one. **

**. . . **

"_Do we simply stare at what's horrible and forgive it?" - Richard Siken _

"Rose, what… what _happened_ to us?"

Rosalie's shoulders tense up, jaw clenching. She doesn't know what went wrong; she doesn't know what's ever been right. "I don't know," she looks up briefly. "We haven't uh, been working together for a while, huh?" Her laugh is short and hollow.

Emmett is in front of her, crouching down while she sits on the bed. Her breath catches at the look in his eyes.

Everything is falling to pieces around them and he's still trying to make sure she's safe.

Rosalie's chest constricts. _Oh God. No. Please. Can't hear this. Can't breakup with me. Can't divorce me-_

"No," Emmett agrees with the shake of his head, curls swaying along with her heartbreak. "We haven't, Rose."

"Emmett, I've been trying," Rosalie's voice cracks, desperation seeping through. She can't lose him. He's been her rock for as long as she can remember and she doesn't know what she's going to do without that foundation underneath her.

Except she does. She'll fall. She'll collapse and disintegrate into a pile of rubble. She thinks of Bella and how wasted she is, and thinks _I'm going to be one of the broken_.

"I know you have, Rosalie," he clasps her small hand in his large but solid ones. "You always have tried your hardest, you've been so strong." Emmett swallows, his heart was breaking in his chest, but God he had to do this. He had to make sure that they would both be truly happy. Rosalie makes a sobbing sound, hand smothering her mouth, and he flinches hard. This was killing him.

But after years and decades, they both deserved to be happy.

"Don't do this, I _love_ you, Emmett. I'm _in_ love with you." Rosalie pleads harder than she ever has in her entire life. Harder than when she begged Royce and his friends to not do that to her. Harder than when she screamed at Carlisle to kill her. Rosalie's ribs were cracking and caving in on themselves.

"Rose, I love you, too" Emmett warbles out a heartbroken laugh with angst and pain etched into every crevice of his face, mouth trembling as he tried to be her anchor one last time. And she remembers hours spent tracing, memorizing those same lines, the crows feet in the corners of his eyes. She remembers looking into his eyes and seeing love there, seeing safety and awe there. "But we both know that neither of us love each other the way lovers are supposed to." His eyes are gleaming. Rosalie dry sobs into her hand, ripping the other away from him so she can try to alleviate the pain that was seeping into her pores.

Rosalie's dam breaks free, lithe body wracking with tears she'll never be able to shed. She was suffocating.

Emmett was doing any better, he was crying too, looking up at Rosalie with memories of the two of them flashing in front of his eyes. Seeing her hurt was hurting him.

The two end up hugging, sadly grasping at clothes and scents for one last time. Rosalie has her face pressed into the crook of his neck, dry tears washing away decades of happy memories. Emmett's body is shaking, unsure hands smoothing out the back of Rosalie's hair.

"I will always love you, Rose, thank you for giving me life." He kisses her forehead, cheeks, eyebrows, hairline, anywhere he could reach one last time, trying to savor her taste, and he picks up his bags - everything he's ever had with him - and then he's gone.

Rosalie slides down the wall behind her, mouth smothered with her fist.

That's how the Cullens and Bella find her days later.

. . .

Seeing Rosalie in a catatonic state was killing them all.

From the empty places sports posters were supposed to be, they all gathered that Emmett had finally left.

Esme ran out of the house, not sure how she was supposed to deal with the loss of a son and a devastated daughter at the same time. Jasper was trying his best to send rather numb waves of feeling towards Rosalie, and Alice curled herself around her sister, tugging and trying to bring the blonde back into reality. Carlisle sat beside her and held Rosalie's hands while Edward relayed what Rosalie was thinking.

Every word pierced Bella's heart in ways that were unimaginable, and she could do nothing but watch helplessly, kneeling in front of Rosalie and placing her hands on her face.

It was all for naught. Rosalie Hale was dead to the world.

. . .

"What are we going to do?" Bella whispers, tears gathering in her eyes as he watches the woman she loves become a shell of her former self. "Can we make her feed? It's been a month…"

"Bella," Carlisle starts to explain, hand rubbing at his neck, looking very lost. "Rosalie is still most likely coming to terms with everything that has happened. She just lost the person she thought was her mate-"

"Thought?" Bella asks, ears perking with curiosity, "Emmett's not her mate?"

He levels her with a gaze, one filled with warning and a hidden message. He whispers, "mates are not able to leave each other. They will die."

The news hits Bella harder than concrete to the face would. _Edward is wrong. _

Bella glances towards the limp goddess in the corner of her dark room. She'll save that for another day. Right now, she has more things to worry about. Like how they're going to get Rosalie to eat.

"But still, she has to eat…"

"Yes, you're right Bella." Carlisle sighs, years of sadness come to the surface, almost breaking through. "I'll think of some things, but for the meantime, would you possibly consider keeping Rosalie warm? Heat helps us immensely."

Bella nods fast. "Yes of course." He kisses her forehead and leaves the room.

She breathes hard, shaking out her hands and moves to sit next to Rosalie.

"God please wake up, soon," Bella whispers, taking the despondent hand in her own, slightly curling into Rosalie, resting her head her shoulder. "Everything is falling apart without you. We miss you Rose. I miss you."

Faintly, Rosalie's finger twitches.


	6. Bloodsmile

**If the last chapter was too fast, this one makes up for that.**

**. . .**

"_I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds." - J. Robert Oppenheimer_

It takes another two weeks before Rosalie comes to.

Bella only leaves her side for seven hours of a school day, (sometimes, Bella doesn't even go to school,) and then she's right back to the blonde's side, curling into her and trying to keep her warm.

Edward hasn't liked that; he's become suspicious. Bella can see it in the way he furrows his eyebrows and glares at catatonic Rosalie. He tries to coax Bella out of the blonde's side with promises of dates. He's even offered to let her visit Jake. But Bella hasn't listened to a single word.

In the course of two weeks, Bella's taught herself how to write with her left hand so she could do her homework. Her right hand was entangled with Rosalie's, no way was she about to let go. And she hasn't. Bella doesn't know how Alice convinced Charlie to let Bella stay over day and night, but she did. All Bella had to do was make sure to call him.

It's the last Friday of the second week and Bella had just gotten done with her Russian lit, she kicks it away, watching it spiral across Rosalie's floor, and leans her head on Rosalie's shoulder, trying her hardest to sit high enough so her head fits in the crook of the taller girl's neck. Her tailbone and ear have gone numb years ago. There isn't anything left but to sigh and squeeze the blonde's hand tighter.

She must've done it at least a hundred time by now. Except this time is different.

This time she gets a response back.

She hears a large suck in of breath. It sounds like the dead taking in their first breath of life.

"Rosalie!" Bella squeals, watching as the blonde's eyes flutter and how her chest sucks in another breath. Rosalie's eye are black and flat, but all Bella really cares about is that she's working again. The human launches herself at Rosalie, wrapping her arms around the vampire's neck. "Oh, I'm so glad you're back!"

"Bella," Rosalie husks, jaw shut tight. "You'll need to get off before I accidently hurt you, please."

Bella's eyes widen in realization and she back off quickly, eyeing the way Rosalie appears to shift uncomfortably. It _has_ been two and a half months since She's hunted. "Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, I-"

"Bella," Rosalie sighs, staring deadly into space. "It's okay."

"I mean, it isn't. You have hunted for two and a half months, and I sprang at you, sorry."

"Two and a half months?" Rosalie questions, voice fluctuating from the monotone.

"Yeah," Bella winces at the physical pain she gets from moving around. Rosalie notices.

"And… how long have you been there? Sitting next to me?"

"Just for the past two weeks," Bella shrugs off Rosalie's attempt of trying to get her face out of her blank, dead stare, and into a vaguely horrified one. "Alice, Esme, Carlisle, and Jasper sat where I was for the two months; I'm new at this station." Bella grins at her cheekily, she was so, so, so, happy that Rosalie had finally "woken up."

Rosalie opens her mouth to say something but then flinches, eyes snapping shut and looking away, tendons in her neck standing out. She gets up, and Bella eyes how every movement the blonde makes is mechanical. Robotic. Every limb stopping at every ninety degree angle.

Bella watched with heart-rending eyes.

"I have to hunt," mouth barely moving, "I'll be back."

Bella lunges forward out of impulse, easily trapping Rosalie's limp hand. "Should you go alone?"

"No. That probably isn't the greatest idea." Rosalie sounds hungry and irritated. Like a shark. Her face is dead and it makes Bella want to puke. "But, I need to go alone."

"O-Okay," Bella shivers, letting her hand drop to the floor. She tries so hard not to think about flaming red hair that could be hiding in the trees, waiting to take Bella's family out. "Be careful."

"Aren't I always?" Rosalie eyes Bella carefully, "are you going to get up off the floor?"

"Uh," Bella laughs awkwardly, running a hand through her hair. "I- I think I'm glued to it."

Rosalie shifts, looking very conflicted. "Do you need help up?"

"No," Bella blushes at the thought of Rosalie getting so near her now while she was awake. "I'm okay."

Bella catches a glimpse of golden eyes being rolled before Rosalie is bending down, capturing Bella around her waist, picking her up and placing her gingerly against her chest.

Rosalie's jaw is taut and Bella hates herself for thinking it's so damn beautiful. She watches pale eyebrows twitch and curve. She sees red lips tremble and eyes shake.

She sees a broken woman trying to stitch herself up.

The only problem was, Rosalie didn't have enough thread.

Heartbreak has been the new theme for Bella these past few months; now Rosalie is tasting it on her tongue, too.

"I can walk, Rosalie," Bella breathes gently, she's now being placed on Rosalie's duvet. Rosalie sucks - gasps - in a breath, and-

"I know."

. . .

Blue, blood, and Bella.

It's all and everything. It's what makes up Bella and that's how Rosalie associates her with things.

But everything else is painted with him. There's a tree that was smashed to bits from him wrestling Jasper. To her side, she can see his footprints. The last thing she'll ever have of him.

Her head still hurts and her lungs are sore.

However, she isn't mad.

Rosalie knows why Emmett had to leave. They weren't mates, they loved each other, but they weren't meant to be together. They both deserved happiness.

It may have taken her two and a half months (according to Bella) to come to terms with that realization, but now that she knows, she can't help but wonder how Emmett had figured it out first.

_Did he find somebody he loved truly? _

A black bear wanders into her hunting zone.

_Or was it something else entirely? _

The bear makes eye-contact with her, cautiously sniffing the air. Danger and death are in the air and the animal can smell it. He can smell he's made a mistake wandering into her territory. Rosalie cocks her head, baring her teeth.

And lunges.

Her teeth sink past fur and fat and sinew and straight into his jugular vein. He squirms, paws feebly trying to swat her away, heavy breath mixing with blood and fluid. He's wild. He knows Death is knocking at his door.

It's a messy feed; Rosalie didn't snap the bear's neck and his blood is getting all over her clothes. Not to mention that bear blood was far too heavy and thick for her taste.

But this is how Emmett hunted.

The bear dies with a feral look in his eyes. Rosalie thinks that this is closure. It's her way of telling Emmett that she is fine and that she gets it.

They deserve happiness. Both of them.

Rosalie's left side and shoulder are still tingling from where Bella has been practically laying on her for the past two weeks. Wonders how Edward felt about that.

She thinks of brown eyes the color of earth and starts her way home, flexing her left hand.

Blue, blood, and Bella and _warmth_.

_They deserve to be happy_.

_Both of them._

. . .

Bella is asleep when she gets back and climbs through the window.

It feels Rosalie's lungs with ash and she stands, not knowing what to do. Because Bella looks so-

so breakable. So warm entangled in Rosalie's blanket and cuddling a pillow. With every shaky, sleepy breath Bella took, Rosalie's lungs filled with ash and smoke.

She looked _so soft._

_How is it possible that Bella is this beautiful?_

Faintly, down stairs, Rosalie hears a faint growl and smirks.

Right.

Rosalie decides to press her luck, she doesn't know why, but maybe it's because she's already dead.

She decides to press her luck and-

she swoops down, planting a kiss far too soft on Bella's cheek.

(It gets a little too close to the corner of Bella's lips.)

The growling downstairs rips into an inferno of snarls combined with Esme telling Edward to shut up.

Rosalie sighs and licks her lips, ignoring the tingle on her mouth and walks downstairs.

Blue, blood, Bella, warmth, and tingles.

The list keeps growing and growing.


	7. Bloodletting

**It took me a while to update, sorry. This is a short filler chapter because I needed to get this one out of the way. **

**Trigger warning for non-consensual kissing (because Edward is an asshole wow wow) **

**. . . **

"_The greatest trick the Devil ever played was convincing the world he did not exist." - Charles Baudelaire _

Stone lips slam against hers.

It's a race, a fight, it's a kiss filled with desperation and angst. His teeth are biting, hands carefully cupping her face and tangling in her hair.

He was trying to pull her down with him. _Stay with me, _this kiss said, _please please please please please, I need you, don't you know? _

_Why don't you love me anymore?_

"Edward," Bella gasps, pain threaded into her voice, trying to pull away only to have his hands grip the back of her head even tighter. "Edward, let go."

He doesn't stop, he doesn't stop. He presses even harder, hand coming to grip her hip, slimy and cold tongue forcing its way into her mouth. It's all she can do to not gag.

"Edward. Let. Me. Go."

He moved to her neck, showing no signs of response, until- "Why?"

"Because I said to get the fuck off of me," Bella hissed, trying to push against his chest. "Now."

He just hummed and continued to nibble on her collar bone.

And now, and now she's starting to panic because what if he doesn't stop? What if he keeps going on and _doesn't stop?_

"Edward," she's sobbing now, pushing against his chest, "please stop!"

His response is a feral growl, hands gripping her tighter to his body, smothering her mouth with his.

She can't breathe. _She can't fucking breathe._ Bella's fighting with all her might because she does not want Edward touching her this way. She doesn't want Edward touching her at all. So she screams into his mouth, banging her fist on his chest.

She can feel him smile.

Edward continues on and doesn't show any signs of stopping until there's a knock at the door.

"Charlie," he gasps, and then he's letting her go, pushing her back against her pillows, leaving her to sob into her hand. Bella doesn't see Edward leave, but she knows he does when she can't feel the horror and _utter fear_ inside of her system anymore.

"Bella?" Charlie knocks on the door, "are you okay? I heard you screaming. Can I come in?"

She blows shakily out of her mouth, runs a hand through her hair and tries to tame fear. "Yeah, Dad,"

The door creaks open and Charlie tentatively looks around the corner and towards Bella's red face. "Hey, bud." He smiles softly, "another nightmare?"

"Yeah."

"You okay?"

Bella nods, "I am now,"

"Good," Charlie shifts uncomfortably, but he still looks so concerned. "Do you need anything?"

"Can I go see Jacob?"

Charlie floors, "Absolutely! Of course you can honey!"

Bella grabs her leather jacket and helmet, "we'll be riding…"

"Be safe?" Charlies brings her into a hug and places a gentle kiss on her forehead.

"Yeah. Love you, Dad."

. . .

Wind ripped through brown hair strands, yanking them much like Edward was this morning. Bella shivered, shaking her head and glaring into the air.

"Break! Bella, break! You're going too fast!" Jacob screams, already jumping after her as if he could've predicted this was going to happen.

Bella guns it. Leaning forward and grinning animalistically. _This _is what she needed. Blood sprinted through her veins; she was alive and kicking, she wished Edward would try that stunt again so she can could his ass.

Jacob ran after her laughter and crazed grin, smelling the blood and pain between her teeth. "Bella! Dammit, c'mon!"

. . .

"I can't believe you did that."

A thrown back head in laughter doesn't help his frustration. "God, that was so fun."

Jacob whirls around on her. "You crashed into a tree."

"So?" Bella shrugs, holding a newly injured arm against her chest. "I didn't hurt the bike."

"_You hurt yourself!"_

Bella breath hitches and her heartbeat burns in her head. Did he know that she did it on purpose? Because she did. She totally did it on purpose. She wanted to feel pain and see blood and every other sin spilled across the forest floor.

She deserved it for putting the Cullens in danger, for ripping their family apart. For lusting after a woman who is straight and is - _was_ \- married.

Bella was _molded _from sin. She deserved whatever fate and pain was coming for her.

She even deserved Victoria's wrath.

"I'm sorry," she winces, "God, you're probably going to get some shit from the Cullens."

"I'm not worried about your dumbass boyfriend. I'm worried about how hurt you are," Jake pinches the bridge of his nose and sighs.

"Jake… I'm sorry." Bella stifled a sob, she's been so tired lately that every high emotion resulted in tears. "I just wanted to go fast."

He sits down next to her. "Things haven't been good?"

She thinks of slimy tongues and bronze hair and hurtful hands and says, "no."

"And… how are things with Rosalie?"

The pain that rocks through Bella makes her clench teeth. "Emmett left her." She can't stop the anger from lacing into her voice. She had a mild hatred for Emmett. If it weren't for him, she wouldn't have had to seen Rosalie die right in front of her eyes.

Jake's black eyes widen, mouth going slack. "Wow."

"Yeah," she hisses and looks away from his probing face. If he asks her how she feels about it-

"You want to watch some Steven Universe?"

"Isn't the new one on? Story for Steven?"

"Yeah," Jake smiles, moving towards the TV, "have you seen it already?"

Bella grins and shakes her head. "No. But I heard it was fucking cute."

Jake hums, surfing through the channels until he find Cartoon Network.

But he stiffens and cocks his head. "Hm,"

"What?"

"It seems like one of your leeches is outside the treaty line." His eyes meet her fear-filled face. "And it isn't Edward."

**. . .**

**How many of you watched or have seen Steven Universe? It's cute, okay?**


	8. Bloodstain

**This gets stuff moving. And I think a lot of you are going to hate me after this but please remember I'm a sucker for romance. **

**. . . **

"_What a shame to convince these flames that they are only sparks; what a misfortune to say this fire is a flame. You have always been gasoline, stop pretending I haven't always been the match." - Tyler Knott Gregson_

Rosalie is standing behind the treaty line, shifting from foot to foot, lips stuck between her jaw.

Bella grins slightly, uncertain Rosalie has always been Bella's favorite thing.

"She seems pretty worried," Jake comments with a smirk in his voice, there's an accent of pride in his tone.

"Yeah, I would be too if she were hanging around some stinky dogs," Bella flicks his ear and hops down from his shoulders. "Could you _please_ call off your pack?" She pleads, swiping a hand towards the wolves growling at Rosalie. "Rose is behind the line."

Bella's movement catches Rosalie's eye, and the blonde's fidgeting speed increases while waving at Bella. Bella waves back, heart in her throat. _God she's so beautiful. _

The wolves back off and Bella slips by a grey colored wolf in order to get to Rosalie.

"Hey, Rose," Bella greets, blood filling her lungs, inviting hemophilia with each breath.

Rosalie smiles with lips made of worry and death. "Hey," she opens her arms, stepping forward to engulf Bella against her chest.

Bella can barely breathe. Squeezes her eyes shut and doesn't make a sound because being this close to Rosalie hurts Bella, destroys her to the very core and makes Bella wish she were Rosalie's instead of the Devil's.

_I can't have her. I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't. But- _

But as Rosalie presses her cheek against Bella's hair and slumps against her, totally relaxed with arms tracing a path against Bella's jacket, it almost seems like… like-

"You smell like gasoline," Rosalie whispers a chuckles against the skin of Bella's neck.

Her head was spinning, twirling in the cosmos and falling back to earth, drunk off of Rosalie's own scent. "I rode today. My motorcycle. I rode my-" Bella continues to fumble on her words, shaking.

"Jasper said something about that once." Rosalie pulls back and takes a deep breath. Her eyes are gold and probing, scanning every inch. Her eyes narrow on her lips and then Bella watches them slowly turn to black.

"Rose-"

"Did he? Did he do this?" Rose brings up a thumb to trace Bella bottom lips, avoiding the scab from Edward's teeth. Bella can't help but to lean into her touch.

"Yeah, I mean, I think it was like- that he was excited or something." Bella sighs, looking up at Rosalie.

Red lips are pulled into a snarl. "That's not really an excuse. If he knows he can't handle himself then he shouldn't be trying to seek physical intimacy from you. Especially if he hasn't hunted in a week."

Bella shrugs shoulders that are too frail, lifting her heavy jacket. She's a little preoccupied with how it feels to have a normal heated hand on her face. Not werewolf hot or vampire cold, but just Rosalie temperature. "I guess."

The thumb travels to trace Bella's jawline, fingers tracing the scar intersecting her eyebrow, then falls back to stroke Bella's cheek.

Bella huffs out a breath quietly. _Does Rosalie think this is a joke?_

Rosalie tucks a strand of hair behind Bella's ear and whispers with adoration, "I'm sorry he hurt you."

_Yes. Yes she does. _

. . .

Trees don't fly by. Edward went fast, incredibly so. But, if Bella asked, Rosalie would slow down without a question or a complaining groan.

It was nice to be able to finally count and label the types of trees.

"Where are we going?" Bella murmurs, raising her hands above her head and yawns.

"It depends," Rosalie glances at her, smile playing on her lips, "where do you want to go?"

"I don't know," Bella yawns again, shutting her eyes and leaning her head against the seat. "It's your choice."

"Hm, It's about time I bring you home," Rosalie murmurs, bringing a hand to swipe the hair out of Bella's eyelashes. "You're dead on your feet."

"I'm not," grumbled words fall out of Bella's mouth. "I'm okay." She just really didn't want to go back to the place where Edward had assaulted her.

"Charlie will be wondering where you are."

Bella groans, fuzz behind her eyelids. "Fine, but I don't want to sleep."

"Resting isn't the same as sleeping Bella." Rosalie spares her an amused glance before focusing back on the road.

Bella looks her over, noticing the snug white v-neck shirt and black jeans, and rolls her eyes. Ridiculous how good Rosalie can make a simple shirt look.

_Alright, hormones, get yourself under control. _

Bella has always liked seeing Rosalie in white.

"You can stay the night if you want," Bella offers, clearly not thinking.

Rosalie smiles brightly, "I think I just might."

. . .

Rosalie glances over at Bella's sleep-ridden form, eyes landing on Bella's lips, ignoring how soft and pink it looks and glares at Edward-shaped teeth marks, hand shaped bruises on the human's hips, and red scratches on Bella's neck.

Rosalie is disgusted. How can he ever be so rough with her? This beautiful girl?

_I would treat her as if she were my sky_, Rosalie thinks, Gritting her teeth. _I would never harm her, ever. I would keep her safe and warm and I would fucking love her. Not hold her down or keep her back. I would fucking cherish her and adore her; shower her with soft kisses and gifts. I would listen to her when she tells me to stop or that she didn't like something. I would treat her like an actual person, unlike Edward. _

Rosalie is momentarily taken aback. Because where the hell did those thoughts come from? But the more she thinks about it, the more she appeals to the thought.

If she were to- If she were to-

She could keep Bella safe, make her free again.

And she could also piss Edward off and fight him every other chance she got.

_I could make her happy._

Rosalie pulls up into Bella's driveway, unbuckled Bella and herself and takes the sleeping beauty into her arms. A warm feeling nearly smothers Rosalie gazing down at Bella.

Rosalie sighs. Her plan could never work. Even if Edward and Bella weren't mates, it was clear that Edward thought he deserved Bella, and was willing to do anything to keep her. And Rosalie wasn't sure how Bella felt about Edward, but it looked like she was trying her hardest to love him back.

Rosalie had other factors to consider, too, like how upset Esme will be once Edward doesn't have somebody to love.

It's almost too much to bear.

Rosalie can't rip her family apart.

But make no mistake, she's going to slam dunk his ass into the ground.

Maybe every time she sees him.

**. . . **

**Was this moving kind of fast? I mean, this is chapter eight, and I figured I might as well be moving this shit along but tell me your thoughts anyway. **


	9. Blood Kiss

**Okay so, it's been like. Forever. And I owe you guys an explanation? Uh, so my mom died back in April and it sucks. Death sucks. And I've been recovering I guess. So everything sucks but, here is the new chapter. Nine I think right? **

**If any of you can place like the two lines of song lyrics I put in here that would be interesting. **

**...**

" _A man moves through time. It means nothing except that, like a harpoon, once thrown he will arrive." - Anne Carson_

She's wearing her Stanford sweater when Bella sees her the next day.

"Of course," Bella rolls her eyes. "It doesn't even surprise me."

"My shirt? Bella, we've been everywhere." Rosalie lifts her eyebrow, steps foward to bring Bella into a hug.

"Hi," she didn't mean for her voice to sound so winded, but Rosalie's lips are tracing the curve of her ear and she can't think.. All Bella can do is hold on and try not to breathe.

"Hello, pretty girl," Rosalie sighs. Bella checks her eyes just to make sure that they're still gold instead of black.

Bella tries to bite back a blush. "I'm not the pretty one here."

"Oh, Bella," gold eyes are sad and hopeless and longing. "When will you ever learn?"

. . .

_She won't ever learn_, Rosalie thinks, watching as Mike Newton compliments her _again_ over the perfect mark Bella got on her science test. _Why can't she see how adored she is?_

"I'm really proud of Bella," Alice brings trays of food with her, filled with things only Bella likes. "She's been worrying about that test for ages.

"Why? We all know how amazing Bella is at science." Jasper tilts his head in the direction of Bella's approaching footsteps.

"Is it even a question, Jasper?" Rosalie mumbles, already pulling out a chair.

"Bella's never going to know how amazing she is at anything."

"Maybe you should help her with that," he whispers, ducking his head and grabbing Alice's hand.

Rosalie clenches her jaw, shifting when she thinks she heard Edward moving down the hall. He won't be joining them today, and it's almost a disappointment she won't get to chew his ass for being such a fucking ass.

"Rosalie!" Bella tries to run the rest of the way to their lunch table, and the blonde sighs. "I got a perfect score on my test!"

"I'm proud of you, Bell." Rosalie grabs Bella by the hand and guides her to the chair next to hers. "I told you so."

"Shut up." Bella punches Rosalie's shoulder playfully, but Bella's smiling anyway. "It was actually a hard test. For me, anyway."

Rosalie pushes one of the trays towards Bella. "Doesn't that just make you more amazing?" She can feel Bella's blush smack against her chest.

"I'm really proud of you, Bella." Alice reaches over the table, finding her hand. "You studied hard."

"Thanks." Bella smiles again, cutting her noodles in half.

"Esme is proud, too, Bells." Jasper offers, leans back and places his arm around Alice. "Carlisle couldn't be happier."

"Really?" Bella shakes her head.

"Of course," Rosalie sighs. "They love you, you know?"

Bella glances at Rosalie, small smile flirting at the edge of her lips. The scab has healed now, just a faint line of teeth and touch that never should be anywhere near Bella again.

Minutely, Bella frowns and looks over to the empty seat across from her.

"He won't be here today."

Everybody watches when Bella's muscles relax in utter relief.

. . .

"It's odd." Alice comments idly. "How frightened Bella seems to be of Edward."

"It isn't odd at all." Rosalie disagrees with a quick growl. "He's an abusive little shit. We should have never let him near her for this long. He's losing his damned mind."

"We need to talk to Carlisle about it."

"Is there really anything to talk about?" Rosalie spits, venom and 1933 on her tongue.

"Rose," Alice hisses back, throwing down the pile of clothes she was sorting. "I know Edward is hurting Bella. But he is a family member. Our brother." Rosalie starts to shake her head. "He is. And we can't just kick him out. We need to find somewhere where he can heal, okay?"

"I'm not tolerating him hurting Bella."

"Nobody said you had to." Alice groans, walking over to Rosalie. And she's looking like she _knows. _Like she can see right into Rosalie's lungs, and can see the black ick gahtering, gathering, gathering.

_It's all for Bella._

"The wolves called, they said they sound some red hair in the trees." Rosalie flinches away from Alice's completely intrusive eyes.

"Victoria?" It's a whisper.

"They think so, and," Rosalie pauses, breathes out. "Edward isn't the only one Bella has been having nightmares about."

. . .

Moonlight spills softly onto Rosalie's face, casting shadows where her eyelashes meet over her cheekbones.

Bella wishes she could draw.

"What are you thinking about?" Rosalie leans forward a bit, shifting herself on her hands to study Bella's face a bit better.

Bella's breath falters, coming out shakier than any storm she's ever seen.

_I was thinking that you're the yellow bird that I've been waiting for_.

"I was thinking about how you play the piano, too." She says instead, ducking her head so that it almost hits Rosalie's chest.

They're both sitting cross legged on Bella's bed, Rosalie at the end and Bella at the top, near the headboard. Charlie isn't home, he got called back to work on this random murder over somewhere downtown, but they've been whispering anyway. Afraid to wake the giants, maybe.

"Yeah but," Rosalie sighs through her teeth. "Everytime I play it's almost-" Rosalie pauses again, movements jerky. She looks up and makes eye contact with Bella. "It's almost like everytime I play, I'm drunk as hell on the piano bench. And when I press the keys, it all gets reversed. Almost like the sound of loneliness makes me happier."

Bella gasps, leaning to move Rosalie's hair behind her ear. "You're not though, you know?"

Rosalie smirks, and then it falls. "Yeah well, that's why I don't really like playing all that much."

Bella nods, mouth stumbling on words she's dying to scream.

"I would, uh, play for you though. If you wanted." Rosalie shrugs, ripping out some of Bella's blankets.

Bella breathes a laugh. "I don't want you to play if it makes you unhappy. That's the last thing I want."

"You still don't get it," Rosalie groans quietly, grabbing one of Bella's hand in her own.

"I don't really think I ever will," Bella breathes, eyes locked on Rosalie's bright gold ones. Her blood startles when Rosalie rubs her thumb across Bella's hand.

"No," Rosalie leans forward, tilting her head and shutting her eyes. Her breath hits Bella's lips.

Rosalie looks calm, but Bella sure as hell isn't. Her chest is heaving double time, eyes squeezing shut and heart beating so incredibly fast that it's almost slow. Somewhere, there's a fire growing in the abdomen, throbbing between her legs. Her breath is coming out in wild gasp she's not sure she wants to control.

She can almost taste Rosalie on her lips, feel the heat come from her chest. She feels a quivering in Rosalie, too. She likes to think she's not the only one aching.

And then, suddenly, when Rosalie's lips almost meet against her own, it's like dying and then being reborn into a thing of fire. Bella surges forward, hand coming up to grip Rosalie's hair and then smashes her lips against hers, carnal desire filling every muscle into a clenching pleasure that culls soft moans out of their mouths.

Rosalie hums, lips moving against Bella's in ecstasy, hands on the open slip of skin under Bella's nightshirt. Bella kisses blisteringly into the mouth she's been thirsting for _centuries._ Everything is so intense, nerves thrumming on their fingertips and down to their stomachs, making way for a new kind of heat.

Somewhere among Bella's passionate bites and Rosalie's agonizingly adoring slow kisses, Bella presses herself up against Rosalie's body, every line of her flush with Rosalie. Her center grinds against the sharp of Rosalie's hipbones fervently, hands tangled up in Rosalie's curls. Rosalie rasps, taking hold of Bella's hips and arching to thrust against her, listening hungrily for the whimper that slips out between Bella's flushed lips.

"Bella," Rosalie bites out, eye rolling into the back of her head when Bella's lips lick under her jaw and down her neck. "We need to stop."

Bella's heart is moving far too fast to be safe, and Rosalie isn't sure Bella's breathing properly.

"How-" Bella rocks her hips again, hands grasping Rosalie's shirt for balance. "How can you even be thinking right now?"

Rosalie swipes her tongue across Bella's lips, and eases her down off of her lap, moving to lay her down. "I can multitask." The mumbled words are lost against soft lips. Reluctantly, so much so that it physically stings when Rosalie removes her lips from Bella, she sits up, untangles Bella's hands from her hair and holds them.

"Apparently, I can't." Bella is a beautiful sight to behold, cheeks flushed and eyes full of desire and happiness, chest heaving.

Rosalie wants to kiss her again.

Instead, she settles for a small kiss against Bella's forehead. "That was something else."

"God," Bella groans. Rosalie detects a hint of embarrassment. "I can't believe I attacked you like that."

"What do you mean?" Rosalie hums, fingers stroking through Bella's hair.

"I jumped at you like an animal. Rosalie." Bella blushes. "I practically humped you like a damned dog."

Rosalie snorts. "I wasn't doing anything different Bella."

"So, you didn't mind? Me kissing you?" Bella peeks out from her finger, a sheepish grin on her face.

Rosalie's eyes widen. _I cannot believe this wonderful girl._ Far too quickly, Rosalie swoops down and places a chaste kiss on Bella's lips. "I've been waiting forever to kiss you. No, I don't mind."

Bella sprouts an excited smile, fingers tapping in joy. "Stay here, tonight?"

"Of course." Rosalie sighs lovingly, an expression so raw it hurt to look at.

…

Rosalie watches Bella fall asleep with these words falling out of her mouth non-stop:

_for you, for you, for you, for you, for you_

_..._

**Fun Fact: Not ever ever once in my life have I ever written a kissing scene. And I have no idea how I did. Tell me what you guys think?**


	10. Bloody teeth

**You guys I'm so sorry. I know that there's no way anybody is interested in this story anymore. And what a short and shitty chapter it is. It's the worst filler chapter of all fucking time I'm sorry. I just couldn't let this go an entire year without being updated. I promise I'll try and find my motivation to finish this story. But for now I'm sorry about this chapter. If you can even call it that. **

* * *

_"O look, look in the mirror. O look in your distress. - W.H. Auden. _

Bella wakes without the taste of Rosalie's mouth.

. . .

Alice is watching her, on edge, full of concern.

"Bella why won't you talk to me?"

And oh god oh god, it hurts so much to look at Alice. Her eyes remind Bella of things she can't have.

It's like wanting something that's not even there.

"I think I need to go see Jacob."

"Bella… please."

"S-sorry."

. . .

"So, what happened?"

Bella shifts, watching his eyelashes flutter, his chest breathe in. Humans are so… interesting. "I had a dream," she murmurs. "About Rosalie."

He's confused. "Is that out of the ordinary?"

Bella blushes, feeling like she's three all over again. "No, but this felt so real. I thought it was real. I wanted it to be."

Jacob regards her softly. Slowly, a mischievous smirk takes over. "It was a sex dream, wasn't it?"

Bella blushes something fierce. "_God! _Jesus, okay yes it was." She's cut off by his boisterous laughter. "It doesn't mean I don't feel like I objectified her."

He rolls his eyes. "You weren't Bella."

"Well how do you know?"

"Just because." He pauses, considering something. "You know wet dreams are bound to happen at some point in time, right?"

"How am I supposed to look at her without thinking about my dream, Jake? Without imagining how her moans sound…" She trails of.

Jacob looks at her with a smear of plain disgust across his face. "Ew, Bella. Who knew you were so kinky?"

Bella flushes a bright red. "Sorry."

…

She hears Charlie outside of her door. "Um… Bella, can I come in?"

"Yeah, of course."

He looks nervous, fidgeting with his hands. "So, Bella, it turns out I have a meeting in Seattle this weekend…"

She deflates. This weekend they were supposed to have game night.

"Bella I'm really sorry. If there was anyway I didn't have to go-"

"I know Dad, it's okay," Bella smiles ruefully. "I know you have to go and save the world."

"Thank you for understanding."

"Always."


	11. Bloodstains

**I churned this out in like two hours so I'm sorry if it sucks. But thank you all who continued to look at this and read it, especially for all that reviewed. However, I do want to address on specific review from a guest: It was regarding my summary, where they pointed out that Bella is turning out wrong sounds like that's in reference to her sexuality. I assure you it's not and I'm sorry it was received that way. I was saying how she's getting worse mentally. You don't have to support me or this story, just please do not assume that I am homophobic, because I assure you I am not. It hurts that it was implied that I was, and I hope I cleared the air for any present and future misunderstandings. **

* * *

"_And I cried. For myself. For this woman talkin' about love. For all the women who have ever stretched their bodies out anticipating civilization and finding ruins." - Sonia Sanchez, Homegirls and Handgrenades _

Emmett comes home. Emmett comes home and Bella watches the words spill out of Alice's mouth, she watches her retell how Esme cried with joy, how Carlisle smiled and clapped his back. She watches her mouth form words but when she sees the letter R take place upon Alice's lips, she looks away. Looks away because she already knows the story. Already knows how Rosalie and Emmett locked eyes, disbelief present in those beautiful honey colored eyes.

He starts to apologize, says he regrets leaving, says he misses her. _Please take me back, please, I'm nothing without you. _And she does. Of course she does. She takes him back, love and hope in her eyes.

Everybody is happy once more. Everything is how it should be.

…

Bella watches the blood drip down her thighs.

_Stupid. God you're so fucking stupid for hoping. _

…

There's a different air at school the next day. And Bella already knows why.

Hushed whispers and surprised looks are tossed towards the Cullen's cars. Specifically towards the Jeep.

There he is. He's smiling, head thrown back in laughter at something Jasper said. Alice is smiling, Edward grins a pleasant smile, one that doesn't fill her with fear.

She doesn't dare look at the blonde by Emmett's side.

Bella hears the bell ring, sees them head inside, eyes on Emmett always. She stays in the car.

_They didn't notice I was here. _She thinks of their smiles, the relaxed shoulders. How they looked before she came into their lives.

Bella sighs rust and desperation out of her lungs. Shaking with unshed tears, she heads home.

…

They find her with alcohol on her breath.

"Bella?" Alice calls, concerned etched into her eyebrow. "Bella what the fuck?"

Bella slurs a laugh, bracing herself against the door frame. "H-Hello Cullens! Welcome to my humble home!" She stumbles over a pair of shoes. "Oh shit dick!"

Alice looks at Rosalie, accusation clear across her face that Rosalie takes heavy offense to.

"I didn't do anything, Alice! This is not my fault."

Bella sputters another laugh smacking her thighs, wincing. "God that hurts. Did y'all know-" She cuts herself off and mumbles something about an old lady falling in the streets.

"Bella, love ," Edward smiles, "I'm sorry I haven't been around, I know that you've missed me, but I'm here now. You don't have to get drunk just to show me how much you missed me."

She stops spinning, looking at him with something akin to fierce rage and disgust. Then, promptly proceeds to throw up all over his shoes.

…

She only vaguely registers somebody trying to remove her pants.

A horrified sob alerts her to who it was.

"_Carlisle!"_

…

"Bella," Carlisle pleads, sadness carving new pain into his eyes. "Why?"

She stares into the corner of the room. Doesn't answer. Doesn't speak.

He takes a shuddering breath. "You have eighty-five self harm cuts on your body, on your thighs Bella… Why? Why would you- Why?"

She opens her mouth, closes it. She doesn't know. She doesn't know.

If vampires could cry, she's sure Carlisle would be. And that hurts her more than the cuts on her body and the hangover she has from raiding Charlie's alcohol cabinet.

It's obvious he takes himself. Hates himself from not noticing her slipping into a forever darkness, hates himself for not stopping hr from folding into herself.

Carlisle leans forward and puts his hands in his face. Bella watches his shoulders shake with sorrow.

No matter what she does, she can't stop hurting people it seems.

"I'm so sorry," she whispers, "I'm so so sorry."

"Please tell me how I can help."

"I'm not sure you can." She sighs. "I'm forever living in that moment where I'm trying to tell a story and being talked over. I don't take up enough space, my voice isn't loud enough… I don't matter." _I'm in love, love, love, with your daughter, I love, love, love her. I love her. I'm spilling like a river. I love her. _

"Bella," Carlisle sobs, "you matter, you are loved, we love you. We love you."

Bella shakes her head. "I've hurt you all. Put you in danger. I'm still hurting you."

He doesn't listen to her. "How did we not notice, how did we not smell the blood?"

"I'm not enough, Carlisle. I've never been enough. I'm stuck behind this glass, and you guys can't hear, can't see me. I'm too small, I'm not enough."

"We love you." A plea.

"I'm pain. All I do it hurt you all."

…

Carlisle prescribed fluoxetine 20mg. Bella is to take this everyday in the evening. She is also to go and see a counselor once a week, twice if need be.

She sees the words drift out of Carlisle's mouth, she sees Charlie ask, _Why? Why does my little girl need all this stuff? _

_Esme found a significant amount of self harm cuts on her thighs, I believe that this well help her on her way to become better. _

Rosalie shifts away from her, guilt taking over her body. "Why didn't I notice?" She whispers to herself. Bella glances at her, hand moving in her direction.

"Where's Edward?" Bella asks instead.

"He's mad at Carlisle for doing this. He thinks that all you need is to talk to him and you'll be cured."

That doesn't surprise Bella. "I don't think I need this either."

"Hush, Bella."

…

"Bella?" Rosalie knocks at the window, it's three in the morning. "Can I come in?"

"Don't you have a husband to get to?"

Rosalie pauses, surveys Bella's face with confusion. "Did you forget that he divorced me..?"

Bella blushes, "No, but I thought that since he came back-"

"Is that why you've been avoiding me?"

"What-"

"Bella," Rosalie sighs, guides Bella towards her bed, "we aren't getting back together."

"I don't understand, why?"

She smoothed Bella's bangs away from her face. "We aren't mates."

Bella falls asleep with the feeling of lips pressed against her forehead.


	12. Blood Guilt

**Hey! I just want to thank everybody for reviewing. I wanted to throw an update out here because I don't know the next time I'll be able to. The anniversary of the death of my mother is coming up again so it's about to be really hard. But I promise I'll try to update as soon as possible.**

**Oh also Trigger warning for rape. I'm really sorry guys. It's pretty early and Italicized so if you need to skip please do so. **

* * *

_"O how he loves you, darling boy. O how, like always, he invents the monsters underneath the bed to get you to sleep next to him, chest to chest or chest to back, the covers drawn around you in the act of faith against the night." - You are Jeff, Richard Siken_

Her name is Ms. Kraska and she's everything she thinks a mother should be. Warm, grey haired, a smile that takes the shake out of Bella's hands.

Her office is the same; safe, a muted blue, but warm. The noise machine made her eyes droop, she struggles to not fall asleep.

"Hello, Isabella," Ms. Kraska smiles, adjusts her glasses, and curls her legs under her chair.

"Bella, please."

It's a tuesday. She had pleaded with Charlie to not make her go. He stood resolute, completely unwavering. "This is what you need. It's my fault I didn't get you to talk to someone sooner."

"Dad, I'm so sorry. But I promise I won't do it again."

"Well, this is going to help with that then won't it?"

"I apologize, Bella." Ms. Kraska smiles again, this time shuffling papers around, scribbling some notes down.

"Please don't be scared, Bella. Nothing is wrong with you - people just need help sometimes. I'm glad you're here, and I look forward to working with you." Ms. Kraska pauses, sighs. "Now, can you tell me why you're here?"

A tear rolls down Bella's face, and it stings like poison.

"I'd be better off dead."

…

She's screaming, windows rattling, blood fills her mouth and she's-

…

_She's with Edward, hands tangled in his hair._

_"I love you ," He whispered. "I do." and then he_

_He hollowed her out, teeth biting into her._

_"Edward stop please." He doesn't, he doesn't._

_"Edward please, please, don't do this I love you. Please, please stop."_

_He doesn't. He doesn't._

_"You want this, Bella."_

…

_She screams, remembering how he violated her, humiliated her._

_Remembers how she loved him and then an hour later threw up every time she saw him._

_"Hush, hush, stop crying it's supposed to hurt the first time."_

_"Hush, hush, Bella. I love you. I showed you."_

_"Hush, hush, I didn't kill you, I kept my control, hush, hush."_

_"Hush, hush, don't tell anybody, hush, hush."_

…

She's screaming and there's a fist size hole in the wall, blood spills down her chin.

She screams until there's nothing left. Screams until war is tangled in her hair, until fear drips off her teeth, screams until her vision blacks, screams until the floor meets the back of her head.

…

She wakes up in her bed. Sees a figure near her bookcase.

"Leave," she hisses. "Get the fuck out of here."

His face floods with surprise. "My love, it's just me."

"I know," Her jaw sets, teeth snapping against each other. "And I told you to fucking leave."

He shifts on his feet.

"Right the fuck of now before I get Charlie in here and tell him all about how fucking wonderful my boyfriend is and how he visits me while I'm sleeping!" She yells the last part in a scathing whisper.

He's gone before she blinks.

…

"Nobody deserves to die, Bella." Tears fill Ms. Kraska's eyes and Bella's left wondering what happened to her.

"I do."

…

It's Wednesday. The air tastes like a million years, feels like everything is much older. The school looks like tiles of wet blood, and stands out scarily against the grey backdrop. It looks like an omen.

She spots them against the backdrop. Dark hair and dark clothes. They, too, look dangerous.

She puts her truck in park, holding her breath against the flume of exhaust.

No sooner than she steps out, they are surrounding her, eyes watchful, movements too careful.

All except for one.

"Bella! Bella! I'm back!" His eyes are gold and jovial, strong arms coming to wrap around her.

A bitter taste fills her mouth as she looks at him.

"Hello."

The smile on his face slowly falls. And that hurts worse than anything she's ever done. It's not his fault.

"Sorry, buddy, I'm just really tired." She amends with a smile. "I didn't sleep well last night. Edward and I fought."

"Is that why he's not here today?" Alice asks, coming up to Bella for her turn to hug her.

"Good riddance," Rosalie huffs.

Bella makes the mistake of making eye contact with her. She's wearing a v-neck that makes Bella's knees wobble.

Rosalie makes eye contact, smiles. Bella's heart skips a beat. "Good morning, Bella."

She sputters for a few moments. "Good morning, Rose."

Rosalie reaches for her hip. "Ready to go in?"

Bella trips the moment her hands come into contact with the sliver of skin exposed from Bella's shirt.

Rosalie laughs, and it's like hearing the sun talk. "Oh my goofy girl, what ever shall we do with you?"

…

Rosalie and Bella sit so close together that Bella comments on the blue ring surrounding Rosalie's pupil.

"Yeah, Carlisle doesn't have any theories about it. Other than it's the one gene that the venom hasn't been able to penetrate." She shifts her chair a little. "But actually that was Esme's suggestion."

"Oh, wow, really?"

Rosalie nods and adds some shading onto her subject. "Esme really does like to help Carlisle with his vampiristic theories. She claims she doesn't do much to help but actually she was the one who figured out how we got our so called powers."

"Esme is very smart."

Rosalie nods, "she is, she just doesn't give herself enough credit."

Bella looks down at what Rosalie has been drawing.

What she sees takes her breath away.

It's her, concentrated on a book.

Rosalie sees her looking, shrugs. "He said to draw something of interest." Rosalie leans very close, mouth touching her ear. Bella's hands clench around the fabric of Rosalie's shirt. "And I find you very interesting."

She leans back, smirking, obviously privy to how breathless Bella is.

Bella watches her hips, the swing of her long hair as she walks away.

…

Rosalie walks her to class, making Bella laugh the hardest she has in a long time. She's never seen Rose so free before, waving her hands about, apologizing with a giggle on her tongue as she almost beheads a student who desperately tried her avoid her swinging limbs.

"Oh God! I am so sorry!"

Bella nearly falls on her ass crying and laughing at the same time.

She's happy. An old feeling coming to light again. Rosalie's smiling face fills her vision, and she's never felt so complete.


End file.
